People I Wanted to Slap, Yet Didn't...

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      My Mother - I am not sure why, but she has the insane notion that it is okay to put on her "I am the daughter of Satan and I will eat you!" face, and be really rude and hateful to other people's children. It is never merited. She never has a valid excuse. Like, when is it ever okay for a 60-something woman to pick a fight with an 11 year old?

      She's always been rude and embarrassing but I think I notice it more, now that I am an adult...

      She stayed over on Friday. Yes, sometimes I fool myself into thinking that I can actually have a normal relationship with her. She always proves me wrong. Anyway, we were all in the living room watching a movie and on the movie a man got out of his car and slammed the door. Mom, who is obviously zoned out or something, said,"I hear a car door." I said," Mom, it was on TV ." Ignoring me, she looks at Selly and tells her to go see who is outside. Selly says, " Granny, it was on TV, the surround sound is on." I swear, she looks at this child and says," Don't tell me what the hell I just heard!" She was truly campaigning for a face slapping. Had it not been for upsetting the kids, I probably would have elected her... Shocked that I would even consider slapping my mother? Don't be. It's a pure miracle that I even survived my childhood and she is lucky that I have anything to do with her at all. Were it not for ruining my beautiful blog, I would post the horror stories here...

       Grease Monkey - No, he isn't a mechanic. He's just really greasy and looks a lot like a monkey. He has a real name but I don't like him enough to use it. This guy's family used to farm near my husband's family, many years ago. He just showed up out of the blue a few months ago, said he was fighting with his wife, and my husband, being a sucker for a sob story, told him he could sleep a few nights down in our old tenant house. The deal was that he could help around the farm with some things that my husband is too sick to do, in trade for a place to stay. My husband based this decision on the fact that both their families were such good friends. He forgot to weigh in that he really hasn't spent any time with this guy in over 20 years and really has no idea who he is dealing with.

        Well, the man is still in the tenant house. He disappears whenever there is work to be done. He gossips all the time, usually about my husband. No less than 5 times, I have caught this weasel stealing things from my husband's truck. As in, he is here inside the house, never mentions needing to take or borrow something, goes out the door and as he repeatedly looks over his shoulder to make sure nobody is coming, takes things from the truck. I haven't had the heart to point out to the idiot that we have a security camera mounted just above the garage and can see everything he does...

         I haven't been blogging long enough for y'all to be very familiar with my temper. I'm not a mean person in general but I am very protective of my family, our home, and our things. So anyway, the other day, as I was heading out the door with a claw hammer in my hand, to ask Grease Monkey just what the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks he thought he was doing taking stuff from the truck, my husband stepped betwixt me and the door and begged me to let him handle it. All I can say is that it better get handled very soon. As a disclaimer of sorts, I figure I should point out here that I had the hammer in my hand because I just happened to be hanging pictures at the time : )

          Well, I feel a little better, now that I got all that off my chest...

       

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