Why I Love Being A Mother...

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Of course, I have bad days. But being a mother has so many rewards that nothing else in this world could ever compare to...

I am beautiful.

When I enter a room, my children stop what they were doing, forget what they were saying, to What's Their Name, and immediately greet me with, "Mama!". Or in Ross' case, "MomMom!".

I am a doctor.

Only I have the expertise to place a bandage, perfectly straight, on a boo-boo, detect a fever with my bare hand, or to gently remove splinters. Plus, I have the secret cure for hiccups. Shhh...

I am a beautician.

If you need your hair washed, dried, curled, braided, colored, permed, or trimmed, I am the gal to see. No complaints or refunds allowed!

I am a fashion advisor.

"Cina, that skirt is too short and will get you sent home from school!" 

"Pink and teal together, make you look like and Easter egg."

"Did you melt and then pour yourself into those jeans? Go change!"

"Selly, I know you would rather hear this from me, than from someone else. You have more padding in your left cup, than you do in your right."

"Tallen, everyone has to wear pants in public! It's the law."

"Ross, where is your diaper?"

I am a financial advisor. 

"Don't waste all your money on junk. You might see something you like better, at the next store."

"Fifity dollars?! I have a job, and I don't own fifty dollar shoes!"

"Spit that quarter out, before you accidentally swallow it! You'll wish you'd listened, when you're trying to poop it out!"

I have a lap. 

Everyone, who's anyone, knows that a mother's lap will protect you from thunderstorms, has an invisible force field, that The Boogeyman cannot pass through, magically makes the tears stop, is the place where all the best song and stories are kept,  is more comfortable than a Sealy Posturepedic mattress, and always has room for one more.

My spit is like fairy dust.

Really. It's magic. What other substance can tame fly-away bangs and remove Kool-Aid-tache?

I am a psychic.

"Stop jumping on the couch! You're going to fall off and land on your head!"

"You need to find a different friend. That girls looks like trouble."

"Four slices of cheese? You let Ross eat FOUR slices of cheese?! Great! Now she's going to be constipated!"

I am an artist.

I am the Bob Timberlake of construction paper, yarn, popsicle sticks, crayons, paper plates, and Elmer's glue. Plus, my stick figures and Easter eggs are awe inspiring.

I am a chef.

No other cooking, whether it be girlfriend's, wife's, or even a Five star restaurant's, will ever be as delicious, satisfying, or comforting, to my children, as their Mama's cooking.

I am a historian.

My kids love to hear stories about what I did as a little girl. Back in the Stone Age, before there were computers, Ipods, and Wii. They get a real laugh, when I explain how I listened to those "funny CDs" ( 45 records) that they found in the closet...

I am a singer.

I know countless lullabies and the soundtrack from almost every movie made since 1965. When I can't think of a song to fit an occasion, I just make one up. I sing all the time. My children have also picked up this habit. Scoff if you wish but, should my kids ever need to wear matching, polyester, pant suits and enter a talent show, to save our house from foreclosure, in Brady-esque fashion, I'm covered!

I am a bodyguard.

Though usually, I'm pretty even tempered and humorous, mess with one of my babies, no matter how old they are, and I will make you wish you were never born. Just ask Renni's ex-boyfriend. He'll tell you how I can go from zero to loco, at the drop of a hat. Suffice it to say, I can be a bitch and I have references!

I am a mother.

Maybe, I came into this job under-qualified. Surely, I will never be perfect. But, I learn as I go along. I couldn't ask for more adorable or loving teachers. I can't imagine a more rewarding career. As a bonus, I know the intoxicating smell of a new baby, when it snuggles it's little head to my shoulder, and I bury my nose in it's neck. I know the deep, beautiful, sleep, that one can only experience with a napping toddler on her chest. I have laughed, till my chest ached, while chasing my naked son around the house, begging him to put on some clothes. I have seen, more than once, the sparkle in my daughter's eye, when she falls in love. I have seen, also more than once, the tears of a broken heart. And here I sit, on the edge of my seat, waiting with both excitement and a little bit of fear, for what is to come. I don't want to miss a thing...

Happy Mother's Day!

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