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Go Figure Friday or Things That Made me Go "Hmm..." This Week

Everyone is welcome to play along!
Just leave a link to your GFF post below.

Here are this week's head scratchers and such...

I'm Askeered!
Honest, I'm in a complete and total panic. Why? It will probably sound crazy to most of you but, I am all out of sorts because I have been invited to a blogger event at Great Wolf Lodge in Concord, NC, this upcoming weekend. Of course I accepted the invitation! I mean, there will be snow falling in the lobby, a heated indoor water park, bedtime stories, and were staying in the awesome Kid Cabin Suite. Then, we'll be treated to a blogger breakfast with Highway 101 providing the entertainment. I get to bring Hubs and all four of the kids that still live at home. Sounds great, right?

Well, here's the panic part...
First of all, Cina had planned to go with us but has now changed her mind. She is afraid if she cancels a weekend at her dad's house, that he will want her to make it up and possibly ruin her Christmas vacation, which is to be spent with us this year. Cina, is the absolute favorite sister of the little kids (between her and Selly, anyway), so she would have been a great help, as far as keeping Tallen calm, helping chase Ross, etc... I have left a message for my sister ( the kids adore her too) hoping she will be able to go. Hubs will be no help really in wrangling kids, as he usually feels to bad and just doesn't have the patience. Selly will be distracted by all the goings on and of course will want to have fun herself (who could blame her?). I am hoping to hear from my sister early today, so I can email my contact at GWL and see if I can just bring her in place of Cina, with no extra charge.

Next, a few years ago, my now ex-husband slammed our car into the side of a tractor trailer. The whole wreck seemed to happen in slow motion. The sounds were terrible! Luckily, even though I was getting very injured, I could only feel the pressure of being hit and no actual pain, not until the wreck was over, at least. When all was still, our car was under that tractor trailer. It was months before I could shut my eyes and not see the whole thing happening again. Anywho, I have had a real issue with traveling the Interstate, ever since. I am terrified! I know that once we arrive at our destination, I'll be fine. But the thought of getting there and the ride back home, has me absolutely beside myself with dread. It is always worse when I travel with the kids because if something were to happen to them, I know I would lose my mind.

Lastly, I was provided with a list of other bloggers that will be attending and encouraged to visit their blogs. I did that just tonight. Now I feel all insecure! I mean, they look so well kept and together. Most of them live way closer to the city where the event is being held than I am. So, for real, it's like we're venturing down there from "back in the hills". Not one of the other ladies seem like they have even considered castrating their husband with a Slap Chop (wondering if there could be a review op. there...LOL), had any of the Tween hell days, at least not to the degree that I have witnessed lately, or had their special needs son wake them at 3:00 a.m., because he is shaking the house, while "Irish Dancing" in the kitchen, or a toddler that is what I like to call, She-Stewie.

I have no idea what to wear. When one's world literally revolves around her home and family (I'm not complaining, I like being at home most of the time), she just doesn't need a lot of fancy clothes. My roots are showing. Do I color and risk it looking too dark and loud at this event? Or do I just leave my hair be and proudly display my "grey battle stripe", down the center of my head? I mean heck, I've earned that thing! Should I wear full make-up? Can I even remember how to wear make-up? I have tumors in my neck! Does it look very big? I have a real fear of meeting everyone else and having them exchange looks of, "Who the Hell invited them?"

Will I get to stay for the duration of the blogger breakfast, or will Tallen be unable to handle the crowd. There will be music, so it could go either way, he might grab his ears and cry, which would break my heart, or he might storm the stage and want to sing too. Lord help me, I hope it is a happy "in the middle" reaction on his part. I don't worry about Ross so much, as long as there is some form of food in front of her, she'll be too busy eating to cause a scene. Selly likes to behave well in public and Hubs wouldn't dare have anyone think he is unfriendly, so they're all OK. I know that the kids will love the pool area but, Blog as my witness, there is no way that I am taking the little ones in the water, if I have to wear a suit to do it. I have cottage cheese thighs! Not because of cellulite, but because they are as white or whiter than cottage cheese! I am anemic and I also burn in the sun, therefore, I have mostly avoided it, so I glow in the dark. Honest, I look like a visitor from beyond the grave...

In an effort to calm my fears, I have told myself, "Self, most of these women are probably at or near the same place in life as you. After all, you don't exactly look like a kitchen gadget wielding, castrater of men in your profile pic either. Their kids probably act unruly at times too. Hey, maybe one of their kids and your kid will get into a fight (nothing serious of course) and, in the midst of pulling them off of each other, you and the mother might become fast friends. Your blog actually has quite a lot of followers! This means that there are folks that want to hear what you have to say! Maybe, the others are just as nervous as you are. Chances are, by Sunday afternoon, you'll be back home, sitting in your broken desk chair, blogging about what a great time you had and sharing pictures."

Lord, I hope I'm  not blowing sunshine up my own rear...

How Not To Be A Good Neighbor!
~Drive to your neighbors house at 7:45 a.m., on one of the coldest mornings of the year, without calling first. Chances are that they hate to catch a few more hours sleep after the older kids leave for school so, since you're afraid of their dogs anyway, just lay down on your horn until your hand gets tired and wait for one of them to stumble off the porch. Ah yes! You've lucked out and forced the elusive Housewifeamus Bitchimus to surface. Note the beauty of the furled brows and one eye matted shut, that is so unique to her species at this time of day. My, how the sunlight positively dances upon the dried drool that adorns her right cheek!

  Awakened from her slumber, she seems most groggy as she stumbles down the steps of the landing, barely touching her bare feet upon the freezing cold surface of the carport, growling expletives as she crosses the gravel of the driveway, finally reaching  your vehicle. This isn't your first expedition in the Bad Neighbor Terrain and, being a seasoned sleepefferupper, you know there is zero chance of the male member of the pack exiting the cave on a morn such as this. Therefore, you sense no danger, as you stare without pause at her frozen nipples, through the thin cotton, of what most certainly must be the discarded, paint covered, threadbare, T-shirt of the alpha male. Not even when you thrust $15.00 into her trembling paw and say, "I need another roll of hay", do you break your gaze. You can't help it, the way they jiggle, as she performs her strange dance, lifting each near frost bitten foot off the ground alternately and shaking it, is simply mesmerizing. Without so much as a "thank you", you drive away into the blinding morning sun. Another successful, slumber trashing, safari under your belt. She returns to her cave and eases back into hibernation. Lulled  gently to sleep by visions of your slow, very painful, death.


  1. I'm just going to throw this out there. You have a few small issues!! You need a ladle full of confidence. They invited you because you are a good writer! Every time you feel insecure, slap that part! You are on the same ground as everyone else!! My grandmother used to tell me that if they sit to s***, you are on equal ground!

  2. Thanks. S.A.! You always know how to put the wind back into my sails!

  3. Or a good kick in the behind!!!
    Have a great weekend!

  4. Sounds like fun.. screw the fancy clothes and be yourself.


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