*MY HAREM!* Look At All These Beautiful Faces! Follow Me! And Try To Keep Up, For Pete's Sake!!



While I have no recollection of this terrible event, my brothers and sisters have always been more than happy to fill in the details...

When I was a little baby, of about 6 months old, it was time for my mama to take me to the Health Department for immunizations.I say "little" in a general sense, as I was actually quite large as a baby. My arms were incremented in puffy fat rolls, as if there were tight rubber bands around them, every couple of inches. My legs were just as bad. I had multiple chins and drooled profusely, so of course I also had a rash under my chin(s). I must have been a sight! Years ago, a drunken step-dad threw all of our things out in the rain and my only baby pictures were destroyed, else I would show you.

Anyway, it was time for my shots and Mama had no car. The Health Department was too far away for Mama to try and walk it, especially impossible since she was would also be carrying a baby and trying to keep up with six other kids at the same time. She couldn't afford to buy bus tickets for all of them. Finally, she found a neighbor to watch the rest of the kids and boarded a bus with me in her arms.

During the ride, she made idle conversation with the various people, getting on and off the bus, that occupied the seat across the aisle from her. I guess most of them gave her the obligatory, "Oh! What a cute baby!" line. Except for this one man. When he took he seat, he didn't look in our direction at first. When he finally did glance our way, he literally jumped in his seat and said, "Damn, Lady! That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen in my life!" Mama was speechless, to say the least. I may not have been real easy on the eyes, but how dare he say such a thing! Determined not to give him the pleasure of seeing her cry, she choked back her tears and made her way, with me in her arms, to the front of the bus, taking a seat directly behind the driver.

Safely out of the man's view, she started sobbing.

Glancing up in his mirror, the driver asked, "Hey lady, what the matter?"

Mama blubbered, "That son-of-a-bitch back there, said I have the ugliest baby he's ever seen in his life!"

"Wow, what an asshole!" said the driver, as he pulled the bus over to the curb and came to a stop.

Turning in his seat, he said, "If I were you", "I'd march right back there and slap the shit outta him!"

"Here", he offered, extending his arms, "I'll even hold your monkey, while you go do it!"

Gotcha! :P


  1. Hi, visiting from BPOTW!

    It could be worse, at least you ended up hot later in life. I used up all my cute as a baby and am now stuck with being me. Being called the ugliest ugly ever isn't as much fun when you're thi... er.. 26.

  2. Bahaha. One day I was in the grocery store and a woman stopped and looked in my stroller at my son. She said something along the lines of, "That is the fattest baby I have ever seen." I didn't even have to say anything because he just started screaming at the top of his lungs! She looked really startled and walked away quickly LOL


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