If I Disappear, I Was Most Likely Taken By A Sasquatch!

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Really, I never put much stock in that booger's existence but I'm running out of other feasible options. Here's the latest...

After being awake all night and all day, I absolutely crashed yesterday evening. Why? Because I finally sat down and gotten still for two seconds! I had been running around all day, cleaning, trying to organize this place. One would think that, with two half grown girls home for the holidays, tons of work would have gotten done around here. In actuality, they slept late most days and stayed up till the wee hours of the morning, talking, watching movies, surfing the web. I was mostly OK with this as I think they deserve a vacation as much as the rest of us. But, while they were home, they were also being lazy. So, coats are on kitchen chairs, shoes are on stairs, cordless phones have gone completely missing. It looks like a bomb has gone off here! So, I have been in turbo mode, trying to get things somewhat back in order.

As I said, I collapsed. I awoke around 2:30 A.M. I was having a nightmare about being at dinner with my in-laws. I went to the kitchen for a drink and met Selly. Seems she had fallen asleep as well and hadn't taken her shower. She takes her's at night and Cina takes her's in the morning. She asked if she could go ahead and take one then and then go back to bed. I said that was fine. I was in the living room, when she came stomping through the house, looking very dejected. "I can't take a shower!", she whined. I asked why not and she said that just as she stepped under the water, it stopped. She flopped down on the sofa to pout.

  Hubs, who had fallen asleep watching TV and was awakened by all the commotion, called out from the other sofa, asking what was going on. Oh @#$$&amp!, I thought. I explained to him that the water was frozen and Selly needed to take a shower. Selly and I were discussing why the water might have frozen, when Hubs interrupted, "Selly, why are you just sitting there? Go back to bed!". She said that she couldn't, because she needed to take a shower. He said, " Well, you can sit there from now, till this time again tomorrow, and the water still won't be unfrozen. You might as well go back to sleep." She was upset and stomped away crying. "Did you shower yesterday?", he called out to her. "Yes!", she replied. "Well, then", he said, "you should be fine." She snapped, "No I will not!" and went stomping off again.

  I felt bad for her, as Hubs understands nothing about being a girl. "Look Honey, it's not like she's a farmer, just going to hang out at the feed store and shoot the breeze with a bunch of other farmers. She's a girl . School's hard enough without worrying that you smell bad all day. These girls want to look their best, they have an image to uphold." I spread it on a bit thick, hoping to inspire some sympathy on his part. It didn't work. "So, you expect me to get dressed and go outside in the middle of the night, to work on the water?", he grumbled. "Well, somebody has to.", I reasoned. "Besides. you'll need to water your hunting dogs in a bit, you can't do that if it's frozen."  It didn't work, he just rolled over to face the back of the couch.

  I knew I that if the water was to be running by the time the girls got up at 5:00, I was going to be the one to make it happen. I put it off for a long while. I was not at all eager to go out into the cold night, surrounded by forest, and dive in head first under the house. I looked out the back door toward the crawl space. I didn't see the door standing open. That was odd, as I was certain that it was open and letting cold air in. At any rate, the heating pad, which cycles on and off as needed, must not have been working any longer, as I had checked the cord that we had run through the pantry window and it was still plugged in. I needed a heat source.  I remembered that we had some six hour, air activated, heat packets, like hunters put in their boots. I found  eight of them. Planning to tape them to the pipe, I searched for the duct tape. No luck. I stuffed the heat packets and a roll of packaging tape into the pocket of Hub's heavy jacket. I pulled a knit cap ( no idea who's) from the coat mountain on a chair, grabbed the hunting light, and my aluminum ball bat, and headed out the door. I went out through the garage, so I could call Chrissy, our harmless, yet scary, dog, to come with me. She chickened out about halfway around the house and went back to her bed. But Shorty, my treat loving dachshund, hurried from beneath her covers and picked up where Chrissy had left off. She's not much for protection but I was thrilled to have the company!

   When I got around back, for lack of a better term and just because it's the truth, I nearly crapped my pants! I hadn't seen the door to the crawlspace standing open, when I had checked earlier, because it wasn't standing at all. It was lying completely inside the crawlspace! I shined my light around inside and was grateful to see no eyes or teeth flashing back at me. Comforting myself by reasoning that a bear large enough to maul me surely couldn't get their fat rear through that doorway, I made my way inside. Sure enough, the heating pad was dead as a doornail! Figuring it had just reached the end of it's days, as it was ancient anyway, I started to fling it out the doorway behind me, so I would remember to carry it inside. That's when I saw it. The plug on the end of the cord. The freaking plug on the end of the heating pad's cord! The same plug that should be stuck into the extension cord that was hanging out of the window above. 

   I know I watch to much I.D. channel.But honestly, for a few seconds, my impending death and the clever plan that led to it, flashed through my mind. It all made sense now! Hub's psycho ex-wife, knowing that he would be too lazy to come outside, unplugged the heating pad and ripped off the door. Knowing that any child of her's would be too much of a princess to ever go to school without a shower, it was just a matter of time, before her ex-husband's much younger, way sexier, and more beautiful than she could ever dream of being, wife, would come out to investigate. Once she squeezed herself into the crawlspace, it would be a piece of cake to sneak up behind her and hack her to pieces! I quickly snapped back to reality. Certain that she thinks way too much of herself to stand out in that kind of cold, for even a few minutes. I made my way back out, found the end of the extension cord, and plugged the heating pad back in, happy to see it's little orange light. I crawled back in and placed it on the pipe, then came back out, propped the door against the door way and secured it with cinder blocks   collected my things,  and went back inside. I turned on the kitchen spigot and waited. Just as the girls' alarms went off, the water started flowing. Perfect timing! I was super-annoyed at Hub's and my fingers were numb. But, I have to admit, it felt really nice to be the one who saved the day. I've considered putting my little video camera under there tonight, so I can see what is causing the problem but I'm sort of scared that whatever it is  might make a snack of my camera...

 

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