And He Wonders Why I am So Obsessed With Fru Fru Bath Products...

Tweet

Or why I could happily spend hours in the tub, in water that's "hot enough to scald the hair off a pig", until I am shriveled to the point of looking like a giant scrotum with eyes. I will tell you why. Just as with my first taste of Champagne (I bought real wine glasses for the event), my first meal at a restaurant, where no menu items began with "Mc" (I bought a new dress to wear.),or my first Wonder Bra (I bought a scoop neck shirt.), those events were so rare and glorious, they merited being paired with awesome accessories.


     While I manage to shower daily, washing up as far as possible, down as far as possible, then washing "possible" at break-neck speed, getting to take a long, hot bath is almost impossible. So I hoard specialty soaps, shampoos, even lotions, to use on those rare occasions. I make my own soaps and bath salts. I have a friend who does the same and sends me all of her mislabeled or dented bars. It's like Christmas, when that giant box arrives, packed to the rim with pounds of soap. I display this beautiful soap in a huge woven basket, on my dressing table in the master bath. Hubs just shakes his head when he looks at it. He just doesn't understand.

     Yesterday, being in a lot of pain, I just knew that a long , hot bath would make me feel like a new person. After waiting all day for my chance, I finally had a quiet house around 1:00 A.M. I crept to the bathroom, gathered my supplies, and filled the tub. I sank into this liquid bliss and opened up a book. I had read all of two sentences, when Tallen screamed, "Mom! Mom!" I jumped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around me. I raced toward Tallen's room, hearing Ross grumbling and crying, highly annoyed at being jarred from sleep. It turned out that nothing major was wrong with Tallen. He just woke and wanted to tell me some random thing and panicked when he didn't find me in bed. I petted Ross back to sleep and went back to the tub.

   Nanoseconds later, I could hear Ross, half grumbling, half crying. I sighed and started to get out of the tub, when I also heard Hub's voice. Assuming he had things under control, I settled back in. But, instead of Ross getting quieter, she kept getting louder. I grabbed the towel and made the trip through the house again. Instead of Hubs maybe rubbing her back and comforting her, he was telling her how she needed to go back to bed and go back to sleep. He was giving these instructions, without ever removing his bum from the bed. When I popped around the corner, he asked me, in his "annoyed" tone, "Where have you been?"

I replied, "I'm trying to take a bath. Couldn't you help with her long enough for me to do that?"

"I tried, she won't listen to a word I say."

"If you were trying, you'd have gone to her. She's three and she's half asleep. You could have tried to soothe her."

"Well, I was sleeping! If you'd been where you should be, I'd still be sleeping. You've got pretty bad timing."

"Bad timing? It's the first chance I've had all day and everyone was asleep. That was the best time."

        It was obvious that he wasn't going to be of any help and Ross was wide awake by now. I had grabbed her blanket and carried her to the bathroom with me. She sat in a chair, while I hurriedly  tried to complete my bath. The door opened and in walked Hubs. "Holy cow!", I growled, "Did you bring the chips?!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Obviously, my hot bath had morphed into a full fledged party!"

    He needed to take a leak and Ross had to leave the room for a minute, resulting in her getting bent out of shape again.He left and didn't bother taking Ross with him. Before I could get dried and dressed, Tallen tried to barge his way in, as well. Ross quickly locked the door, this made him angry. So he stood outside the door, demanding to know what was going on in there and wanting to be let in. I made my way out, got Ross and Tallen back to bed, and found Hubs sitting  on the couch, watching TV.

  I really wanted to shake him! I guess he sensed this, as he asked what I was acting upset about. I said, "I think it is sad that you feel anything involving the kids is my job. You could have helped me for a few minutes. You can take a shower or bath whenever you want. It's like an act of Congress for me. I swear he replied, "Oh, so everything is about you..." Far be it for me to assume that my bath was "about me".

   Chauvinist turd! I doubt he could manage walking and chewing gum, at the same time! Were it not for mentally scarring the little ones for life, the next time Hubs takes a shower, I would yank back the curtain and stand them right in the tub with him.

Share

Pin It