Truth in Advertising
Coffee - "The best part of waking up is the snooze button, but we'll do in a pinch."
Feminine Hygiene Products - The lady doing cartwheels on the beach would be wearing a ninja suit and hurling throwing stars at a running, screaming, horrified, man.
Surgical Centers - "Dream of a mini-vacation, with school grade meals, Antarctic temperatures, and being cut from a-hole to appetite? Give us a call."
Home Waxing Kits - "Helmet and toilet hover recommended. You're about to pass out and pee at the same time."
Disposable Diapers - "Now with refastenable closures! For those time when your budding graffiti artist can't find a crayon."
Prescription Drugs - "Ask your doctor if our drug and a second mortgage are right for you."
Beer - "Lowering you standards, one can at a time."
Axe - Instead of chasing the guy, ladies would be backing away from his Linus-like scent cloud, holding their throats, and making chokey faces.
Viagra - "Because your wife already gets enough sleep."
Toys - "Fifty bucks for fifteen minutes of peace and quiet."
Minivan - "Smudge covered, scream-filled, gas guzzling, Cheeto, missile."
Toilet Paper - "After use, every brand looks the same."
Hamburger Helper - "We said, 'HELP',. not "Miracle'"
Banks - "Make a $2.00 mistake and the fee will be every last dime you have in your account."