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Not In The Brochure, Entry #1 ~ If You Drink and Drive, Don't Park and Pee!

   Sorry, people who live in my town and do stupid things. This is your pay back for making me laugh hysterically, to myself, yet OUT LOUD, in public places, when I think of the silly things you do. Thus, making myself appear INSANE to people who have absolutely no idea what I am laughing at.

   Just out the road from me, lives a man who's name rhymes with Slobby. I'll just call him that for the rest of this post...  Anyway, Slobby often takes a shortcut, dirt road, when driving out to the local gas station. There are very few houses on this road and losers who are too lazy to drive to the dump, often throw out trash there. Couches, mattresses, you name it, it's probably there. I should also point out that Slobby is a marathon drinker. You know the type, they drink so much, so often, that they're never really sober. No matter how many times folks report him to the police for DUI, he never gets picked up.

   Well, a couple of years ago, Hubs and I were on our way home from town and decided to take the shortcut. Before long, we see something smoldering on the side of the road ahead. Hubs pulled up closer and hit the brakes. There, with ashes still glowing and smoking around it, is the completely torched and bare, frame of a car! It  was very surreal. We knew, that it couldn't have burned very long before we showed up. Yet, there were no fire trucks, no police, nobody. We went home and Hubs immediately got on the phone, calling various members of the He-Man Gossip Network and soon had the whole story...

   It seems that Slobby, while making a beer run, decided to take the dirt road to avoid being spotted by the police. When he got the urge to relieve himself, he pulled over and left his old clunker idling on the side of the road, and made his way into a patch of trees. In his drunken stupor, he had parked with his tail pipe positioned atop  an old bed mattress. The hot tail pipe lit the mattress on fire, and the flames from the mattress lit his car on fire. The car burned down to it's axles. He must have been moving slower than a herd of turtles, stampeding through peanut butter, for all of this to take place before he could react.

   I cry laughing, whenever I think of this. Maybe it was God's way of getting him off the roads for a while...



  1. LOL! That's funny! Sounds like you're in one of those "podunk" towns??? How fun!

  2. Wow! Almost cleaned him out of the gene pool! Great story!

  3. I have never heard the expression "slower than a herd of turtles stampeding in peanut butter" but it is hilarious along with that story!


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