OK, You Little Bastard, Where's My Salt and Tequila?!

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To put it mildly I've had a bad last few days. When the weather turned so beautiful over the last couple of weeks, I excitedly moved all my seedlings outside to the picnic table. I was so happy that I was almost spinning in circles and belting out The Sound of Music, like Julie Andrews.That all came to a screeching halt last week...

If you read my blog regularly, you know that I struggle a lot with bone and joint pain on a daily basis. Well, last week, I had a new pain. Every time I tried to take a step, I felt like my tailbone was cracking right in two. It was excruciating! The pain also radiated up my back. On Sunday night, I was sitting on the sofa and felt this tiny stinging pain on my back. I reached around under my shirt and scratched at what felt like a bump. When I looked at my hand, there was a tiny deer tick. I put the little sucker on a book and torched him! By the next morning, my tailbone pain had vanished. The pain in my back remained, as did the pain in my feet, hips, hands, and the rest of my joints.

Most of you also know that I was diagnosed with hypo-thyroid ism at age 7, which I "control" with thyroid hormones. Well, on Saturday night, something made me reach up and touch my throat. I kept my hand there for a few seconds and rubbed along my thyroid gland, like my doctors have always done. This is NOT something that I have ever done on a regular basis, but on that night, I felt the need to. My heart jumped as I ran my fingers over a walnut size mass on the right side of my thyroid gland. I was and still am absolutely terrified.

Renni was off work today and drove me to town this morning. I didn't call first, I just asked the doctor to work me in when I got there. If they had said no, I would have went to another and another. I was NOT leaving town without seeing a doctor! Well, after listening to all my symptoms, she examined the bite mark and also checked out the mass in my neck. The diagnosis? Lyme Disease! Yep, she is 99.9 percent certain, as she has seen it before and my rash at the bite site and the other symptoms all add up. Double ear infections! The knot in my neck? She feels is a growth on my thyroid gland and not related to the Lyme disease. I have an appointment at 8:00 a.m. Thursday, to get oogads of blood work, including a test for Lyme Disease, and will be shot up with radioactive dye or whatever and have a scan done on my neck. Plus x-rays on my back and hips.

She has started me on the antibiotics for the Lyme disease and my ear infections, Vicodin for the pain, and some sort of seizure medication that I take at bedtime for nerve pain. The hope is that, by taking it at bedtime, I won't wake with pain in my hips and feet each morning. She also set me up and appointment with a pain control center.

I am so freaking stressed! Mostly about the lump in my throat. But when she said "Lyme Disease", I did burst into tears. I was so bummed! I am so freaking sick of being in pain. I want to be able to carry my toddler around like she enjoys. I want to sit in the floor with Tallen and play cars without my legs going completely numb after only five minutes. I want to be able to do a lot of things that I have had to give up over the past few years, due to pain. I explained to her that basically, I am it. There is no other person at home for me to fall back on to help with the kids. There is no other person to share the burden and let me get more than one hour of sleep each night. Yes, I have a husband, but he has his own pain issues, not to mention that he is a male cheuvinistand thinks anything inside the house, including the kids, is MY problem to deal with and so he does not help me. THE LAST FREAKING THING I NEED IS LYME DISEASE!!!!!!!!!! So for now, I am taking my meds and feeling sorry for myself. Deep down, I am hoping that the lump in my neck is some sort of freakish symptom of the Lyme and that the antibiotics will make it disappear. I do NOT want thyroid cancer! Prayers people! I need them.

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