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Go Figure Friday or Things That Made Me Go "Hmmm..." This Week

Everyone is welcome to play along!
Just leave a link to your GFF post below.

Here are this week's head scratchers and such...

I Wish I Could Affford A Real Doctor...

My NP is evil. Let me tell you why... When I have been suffering from aching joints and muscles for years, with everything getting much worse in the last 2 or 3 years. The pain reached unbearable levels in the last year. She gave me a 30 day supply of Vicoden. I did not like that they made me feel sick. I did like that they didn't sap my energy and that they took away my pain for a few hours. I made the mistake of telling her that they actually worked. She said she couldn't refill those as she isn't a doctor. But she could give me the maximum dose of Ultram. I said I'd try it.

Well, the Ultram does help my pain. It doesn't make me sleepy. However, I am on my 3rd refill of this and slowly but surely my legs have been swelling more and more. I can even feel my knees bubbling when I walk. At first I thought it was that my socks were too tight lol. But when I put on my Hub's socks the other day and even they left a ring around my ankle, I knew something was wrong.

I had mentioned my concern to the NP before and she promised that the Ultram would not cause swelling. When I wound up in the ER the other night, with one leg looking like a Sumo Wrestler version of the other, I again told the doctor that I have never had this problem, before taking Ultram, he said the Ultram would not cause fluid retention.

Well, guess what? After hobbling around in pain for another day and night, I decided to try my own experiment. When I woke up yesterday morning, instead of taking the usual 100 mg of Ultram, I took 2 Tylenol 3's that I had left here from some surgery or another. 6 Hours later, I again replaced the 100 mg of Ultram with the T-3. I replaced every dose with the T-3 and I awoke a bit ago with my legs aching, which is normal for me. But, the swelling is gone! It was the Ultram! That's the only med that I took out of the mix and now I have no fluid in my legs. I think I'll take the Ultram and a jar of Vaseline, put them in a box, wrap it, add a pretty bow, present it to my NP, and tell her to shove those Ultram up her ass! I hope she shares with the ER doc...

That reminds me of a funny. Yes, it is based on an old joke and yes, I have pulled this on a couple of doctors...

If you are ever prescribed suppositories for any reason, cross your fingers that on your follow up visit, the doctor thinks to ask if you used them. With a very, very, somber expression, reply, "Yes, but for all the good they did me, I may as well have stuck them up my ass." The horrified look is priceless! Then tell them you were joking, or don't.

Butter My Butt and Call Me a Biscuit!

I absolutely cannot believe that Michael Jackson passed away. Farrah died way to young and had such a sad story, but I was not shocked to hear of her death.Bless her poor daddy's heart, he is all alone now... Michael, on the other hand, totally caught me off guard. He was always doing this or that healthy thing, to stay young. I am just floored. I feel awful because my first thought was that now his kids can maybe live a normal life. I'll never forget him doing that interview with the poor baby "Blanket" and the kid had that scarf over his face through the whole thing...

Un-Human Generated

Tallen was watching Spy Kids on DVD, yesterday. This one is in 3-D. He walks into the living room, sporting 3-d glasses and asks me, "Mama, what is 'geMerated'?" I said, "Do you mean 'geNerated'?" He nodded. I said, when something is generated, it is created." He asked, "So, something created by a computer is computer generated?" I nodded. He said, " If something created by a computer is computer generated, then something created by the TV is TV generated. I need to be computer generated, so I can become TV generated, so I can get into that game, go to level five, and beat it." I'm thinking, Regis, may I phone a friend?!  I said, "Tallen, you can't be computer generated. You are already human generated. Actually, Mama generated. Remember, you came from me." He was in quiet thought for a few seconds, "Well, how do I get UN-human generated?!" I'm wondering if little Billy Gates ever stumped his mother like this...

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