Shame On Me! Saturday

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My ex-hasbeen (not a typo) (Cina's Dad) was (and still is, I'm sure) a total Trekkie. I use to endure countless hours, watching him, watching the 2.4 zillion VHS tapes, he had recorded of the original Star Trek series. Then, The Next Generation came along. Of course, he recorded and watched and re-watched these episodes as well. I never complained. I suffered in silence.

The toys were a different story. He had all the little doodads that made the show so magical. It really worried me, how he would actually sit and play with those things. Who knew that some grey plastic, a few tiny lights, and an annoying beeping sound, could keep a grown ass man captivated for hours on end. I really questioned his sanity. But eventually, I went a little loco as well (maybe he slipped me the Vulcan Claw or something...) and started buying things for his collection. But, my choices were more mature. Collector plates, watches, caps, and the like.But his all time favorite and most treasure piece was a life size, cardboard, figure of Spock. Some guy he met at some place gave it to him.

So anyway, it came to pass that EH started spending every weekend at his father's home, 6 hours away. He would leave work on Friday's and make that long drive, stay till Sunday and then make the long drive back... The first time, I thought nothing of it. But, after about the 5th time, I was getting very suspicious. You see, EH hated long drives. More importantly, he hated his dad. Everyone did. The man was a jerk. Now, suddenly, EH is spending every weekend there with him ? I knew better. I was born at night, but it wasn't last night. There were only two things that could make him drive so far, after a hard day's work. One was food and the other was sex, and his mother-in-law couldn't boil water! DING! Number two wins!

I went through everything he owned with a fine tooth comb did my own little investigation, until I found damning proof. Two ticket stubs, from a cinema where his dad lived, to see the movie Titanic (not exactly a father and son flick). A bag with deodorant, a new toothbrush, and condoms. AHA! There was the proof I needed! If he was actually brushing his teeth and wearing deodorant, he was for sure making The Beast With Two Backs with someone!

I called him out and he admitted that he was messing around with this 400 lb crank whore, that his brother used to date. (I'm not saying that to be mean, it is the truth! I had met her at family gatherings before. So I know what she looked like. Plus, his brother dumped her, when he found out she was a crank addict, and married another gal) The sick part was, his brother was also messing around with this girl and his wife had no idea! So of course, I gave EH his walking papers. "Don't let the door hit ya, where the good lord split ya!-I hope you choke on your next breath!-I hope the next time you go to pee, your willy breaks off in your hand!-Couldn't you have at least cheated with a pretty woman?!" and so on and so forth.

Being very privy to my evil ways, he made sure to pack up all his Star Trek stuff and take it with him, that very day. No way was he going to let me have a chance to destroy it! He swore that he would be sending money in two weeks, to help with the outstanding bills. Two weeks came and went. No money. But he was bragging about anew gym membership and new clothes etc... Around that time, as sweet, delicious, revenge would have it, I dropped something one day and it rolled beneath the bed. I got down on my knees and shoved my hand under there, before I located what I was after, my hand brushed up against something. It was paper. NO! It was card board! "Well hello Mr.Spock!" I located a kitchen knife and set to work...

I wrote Eh a letter:

Dear You Thoughtless Ass,
I have yet to receive the money that you promised. I did not make these bills alone and I shouldn't have to pay them alone. Not to mention that I also am supporting three kids alone,  while you court a crank whore and work out at the gym.

Oh! Good news! I found Mr. Spock hiding beneath our bed. I'm sure you miss him, so I am sending you a little something to remember him by. Along with this letter, you should find his ears. If you don't send money by next week, I'll be carving off his head!


In a few short days, a check from EH arrived in the mail...

Everyone, thought this was hilarious, even his friends and family. He never saw the humor in it. To this very day, if someone brings it up, he gets boiling mad.

The moral of this story is: Don't lie to me. It makes me angry. And you wouldn't like me, when I'm angry...LOL

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