Shame On Me! Saturday

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Ever done something really mean or sneaky, that was so darn funny, you just aren't able to feel guilty about it? Join in and write your own Shame On Me! Saturday post. Don't forget to add the link for it to the Mr. Linky form.

I have always loved Underwood brand sandwich spreads. If you've ever eaten them, you know that once you take off the fancy paper wrapper, there's just a plain metal can underneath. Well, when Renni and Cota were small and I had just started dating the man that would become my now ex-has been ( not a typo), this little detail enabled me to play the best trick...

  I had actually met EH for the first time, back when we were in the 2nd grade. He was a chubby kid then. From pictures, I discovered that, during the years we had lost track of one another, he had became really obese. By the time we met again, he had been in the service for a couple of years and was looking really good. When we started dating, I met his mother and found that she was also overweight. This has nothing to do with anything except to back up my point that they had a real problem understanding how someone could actually eat and still be skinny.

Even after giving birth to two children, I was skin and bones in their eyes. I was skinny, at 5' 6", I only weighed 103 lbs. But really, I ate all the time. I had dealt with an eating disorder as a teen, but I credit stress for keeping me so small, after I reached adulthood. At any rate, they were convinced that I was either starving myself or else I was throwing up my meals. They did not speak of this to me, but I could hear them sneaking to the bathroom door after meals, listening for evidence that I was doing so. I never called them on it, but it really boiled my blood. They were also always pushing food on me. 

One weekend, when Future-Ex-EH was home on leave and spending the weekend at my place, he walked into the kitchen, just as I was dipping a knife into the can of Underwood sandwich spread, making a sandwich. "What are you eating?", he asked. A sudden stroke of evil genius hit me. I kept a straight face and replied, "Cat food.", shrugged my shoulders and took a big bite of my sandwich. Not sure if he had heard me correctly, he asked, "What did you say?". I repeated, "Cat Food." and took another bite. His face was losing color, "Are you serious?!" With no change in my expression, I said, " Of course I'm serious. How do you think I stay so skinny? Cat food is all protein, with hardly any fat. Wanna bite?", I held the remainder of my sandwich under his nose. He bolted from the room. Going to barf up his guts, I am sure.

  I let him off the hook, after a few weeks. He told me later that the fact that I was a single mom, with two kids to support, helped add to how convincing my story was. He knew I had to be cutting corners somewhere, to get by. So my eating cat food made perfect sense.

Shame On Me!

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