Top Ten Thursday

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Welcome to Top Ten Thursday! I created this meme to add a little bit of variety to Frump Day ( no longer Hump Day, not yet Friday...) If you would like to participate, just create your own Top Ten post about anything your heart desires and add the link below. Everyone is welcome to join in. This should get really interesting...

Top Ten Reasons I May Pull Out My Hair

1. Headaches

With all the storms lately, I have had a blinding migraine almost every day. A week or so ago, I had a puking migraine, so bad that Renni took me to the ER. I sat there in the germ parade waiting room, so long that my head started easing up on it's own. I just got up and walked out.

2. Artistic Frustration

Why you ask? Well, you see, it's like this... My brain (HA! Told you I had one!) is constantly buzzing with new ideas, plus old ideas that I have yet to create. When one's mind is over-loaded with these things and they never have the time to release them, never get even five minutes alone, because they are busy supporting everyone elses not so artistic agendas, it can be frustrating. I am beginning to understand why Van Gogh lopped off his ear.

3. My Health

I have basically felt like hammered shit, my entire life. From chronic anemia since birth, being diagnosed with hypo-thyroid disease at age 7, POS(if you're new here, that means Piece of Shit) foster parent/relatives ignoring a green, oozing ear infection, that I developed when I was age 11, for two whole years, while is rotted out my frigging ear drum, finally getting it repaired at 13 when another concerned relative took me to the doctor, then again at 15, then having it repeatedly become infected and burst, until now I have tumor in my inner ear. Did I mention I am deaf as a post in that ear? Then of course, I have sleep paralysis, sleep walking, Crohn's disease, gall-bladder removal, constant joint and muscle pain, and as of late Lyme disease and 4 tumors in my thyroid gland. I just want to wake up one day and feel normal, with no pain meds, no antibiotics, no anything. But, I am 38 and it seems that may never happen...

4. Hubs Total Lack of Concern For My Health

I think this makes me the craziest. I swear to you, last week, I mentioned something about the tumors in my neck and he seemed surprised, "You have tumors in your neck?" I'm like, "Are you freaking serious?! You were at the doctor with me the day I found this out..." His reply? " Oh, I must have misunderstood. I thought it was something they could treat with antibiotics." I'm like, "No, Honey, I have an appointment in July, with a specialist, who will then determine if they are cancerous or not and most likely remove them either way." Him, "Oh."

I could maybe forgive this once. But, he did the same thing with the tumor in my inner ear, and with any medical problem I have ever had. Totally forgets. Then, when I am having a bad day, he seems shocked, sometimes even insinuating that I am being lazy. On the other hand, I am right on top of his medical issues, give him his medication each day, and keep up with all his appointments. Seems the least he could do is remember mine...

5. The  Girls Night Out Issue

Why is it even a freaking issue? Hubs can walk out the door and go anywhere he wants, whenever he wants. That is not the case with me. Yet, he insists on giving me a rash of shit for going out, one night a week, with my adult daughter and my sister. We were supposed to go out on Monday night. I discovered on Monday afternoon, from my sister, when she had called me that morning, I was sleeping and Hubs talked to her. He told her that I wouldn't be able to make it that night, as he had things to do. I didn't even make an issue of it. We just decided to go out on Wednesday night instead.

So yesterday, I remind him that I am to go out last night.

Him: "Really? Well I have already made plans to go hunting tonight."

Me (Being that smart ass that he so adores): "Well that won't be a problem 'cause Tommy called, while you were sleeping this morning, and I let him know that you won't be able to make it."

Him: "You did what?!"

Me: "Just Kidding! Don't get your bloomers in a bunch! Just letting you know how I felt when you canceled my plans with my sister, while I slept"

Him: "Well I don't see what the big deal would be, if you just forgot about Girls Night Out all together, this week, and waited till next week.

Me: "Of course you don't see the "big deal", because you actually get to leave the house each day. You aren't the one sitting here 24-7, with a dumb-on, humming the theme song from the Backyardigans, up to your elbows in poopy pants and grilled cheese sandwiches, starving for conversation with another adult."

Him: "Yeah, but you just use me for a babysitter."

Me: "Did you really just say, BABYSITTER?"

Him: "Well, it's true."

Me: "FYI it is not 'Babysitting' when it is your own children you are watching. That's called being a daddy. I don't recall you ever asking me if I would 'babysit' the kids, while you went somewhere. P. S. Our oldest child together is five years old. And I have been 'babysitting' for you since we got together eight years ago."

Him: "I don't know why you want to start a fuss. I can't believe you actually begrudge watching Selly for me, while I went out.

Me:  " You started the 'fuss' and I can't believe that you would begrudge watching YOUR OWN CHILDREN, while I go out for a few hours. Especially since I have sat here staring at these walls for years and have just started trying to take a little time for myself, the last couple of months."

 Then he went through this whole scenario last night of pretending that he wanted to go. I said, "Fine, the more the merrier! Go get ready." Then he said that he would just stay home and tried to make me feel bad, saying I never went out with him. I explained to him that in all the years we have been together, he has always spent his free time out with his friends, never once asking if I wanted to go somewhere. He insisted that he had tried to take me out and I wouldn't go. For the record, he has invited me to go to coon hunts with him. NO THANK YOU!"

6. The Baby Waking During the Night Issue

Most toddlers go through a stage of waking often during the night. Ross is no exception. I have found that the key to getting through this easily, is to keep things quiet when it happens and just let her settle herself back down. If she is upset or calling for me, I will go to her. But most times, she isn't even awake. She'll sit up, yell, feel around for her cup or her stuffed sheep, and then pass back out.

Hubs, on the other hand, has lately decided to put on a show at these times. In the midst of my trying to quietly let her self soothe, he starts yelling, "Honey! Honey! Can't you hear this baby screaming?!" I quickly go to him and ask him to please be quiet, before he wakes the other kids. When I ask him to be quiet, this pisses him off and he gets even louder. "Don't tell me to be quiet! Where the hell were you at? I'm trying to sleep here!" This makes my blood boil! It gives me flash backs of my first husband, raising hell whenever the baby cried at night, and keeping me walking on pins and needles. I mean hell, it's stressful enough dealing with a screaming baby. No need to top it off with a man acting like a self centered bastard!. So I'm like, in a whisper yell, "For your information, I was trying to take a piss, excuse the hell out of me!" I swear he said, "Well you should take her with you!" WTF? Just call me Mary from now on. Obviously, Hubs had nothing to do with bringing these kids into the world. It was just me, a miracle, and a chemistry set, I guess.

7. This House

Yes, I have a big, beautiful house. Yes, hubs built it with his own hands. But, I found the notebook that he kept years ago, where he detailed how he built this place for his ex-wife. Putting extra care into the master bedroom and bath, so his woman would have a place of her own. BLAH BLAH BLAH I HATE THIS PLACE. Nothing here is mine. Nothing here was built for me. And he goes off the deep end if I want to change anything. I have felt like a guest here, since I moved in...

8. Selly
I would say that roughly, 3/4 of our arguments are about this child. I have always tried to treat her just as my own. My family has always treated her the same as my other kids. Hubs is fine with this part. However, when it comes to chores and rules, he expects me to coddle her. If I give Cina a chore, she does it. If I give Selly a chore, she farts around and jumps up to do it when she hears her dad pull up. The result, her dad insists that every time he comes home, Selly is working, and the other kids are relaxing. I have tried to explain to him that this is only because she doesn't start to work until he gets home, whereas the other kids, did as they were told WHEN they were told. So of course, she is the only one working, when he arrives.

He expects there to be special rules for her. If she takes clothes from the dryer, crams them in a basket and hides them, and I call her on it, I am told that i should explain to her why she shouldn't do that. I am like "HOLY CRAP! I have explained this to her for years. She knows better and should be punished." He is forever talking down to me and over-riding my authority in front of her.

Another thing, since I got with Hubs, Selly has been included in all things that I do with the other children. I haven't spent time alone with Cina in years. If I were to take off for the day and carry Cina with me, leaving Selly at home, Hubs would have a shit fit, saying I am playing favorites with my own kids and leaving Selly out. However, just this morning, Hubs had to make a trip 1.5 hours away and announced that he was taking Selly with him, while the other kids stay home. He doesn't understand why this pisses me off. Total double standard, if you ask me.

9. Hub's Family

 I have been subjected to a drunk's stupidity. Been forced to go to gatherings where I and my children were totally ignored for hours, while Hubs hangs out and laughs it up with relatives. His mother invites his ex-wife to these events, then pretends she doesn't know who invited her. But sits with her the whole time. Watched as Tallen was treated like a dog and Hubs said nothing, i.e. Christmas dinners where Selly is loaded down with gifts and Tallen is given nothing. His bitch DIL staring down her nose at Tallen like he is dirty or something. His pot head son calling the house and threatening me, whenever his petted ass sister has a temper tantrum. His adult daughter ( see petted ass sister) constantly having tantrums because she is jealous of me and my kids. Plus her acting as if Tallen doesn't even exist but then thinking she would fall all over Ross.

  Mind you, I won't tolerate my kids being treated like shit, so I have always raised hell and stood up for them. Hubs never has. Yet makes me out to be a bitch that is just trying to keep him away from his family, when I get fed up and rip someone a new one.

10. The Garden

I have tons of seedlings that it seems I will never get in the ground.

Sorry for the vent. But after all. My blog is for my feelings and that happens to be how I'm feeling today....

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