I Survived Thanksgiving 2009!

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Despite my best intentions, I didn't manage to get one single thing prepared ahead of time. So, I was up like a shot yesterday morning and the race was on!

  I needed to have dinner ready by 6:30 P.M.. Now some might think that is no big deal and that I had heaps of time, but they are forgetting to factor in that Hubs was home on the sofa ALL DAY. So, in the midst of preparing the entire meal, with no help but Selly (Cina had to eat at her dad's yesterday and had left on Wednesday night), I was also dealing with, "Honey, I'm freezing! Have you been messing with the thermostat?", "Are you cooking onions? Something's choking me to death!", "I need my medication.", "Where's the phone? No, not that phone! It doesn't light up! I need the other one!", "Where are my socks? I need some socks!", "Will you bring me something to drink? I asked Selly for something over an hour ago but I guess I'm just not important...", "Honey! (pointing to the TV) Come look at this!" I reply, "Yes dear, I have seen that before. You've watched The 600 Pound Tumor 4000 times!" He, looked dejected, "Well, maybe you have, but I haven't! Go on back where you were!" Actually, he has watched it too many times to count . He just suffers from a scorching case of CRS (Can't Remember Sh*t ) Disease. "What does Ross have all over her face and hands? You need to bring something and clean her off!", "Honey! She's jumping on my sore legs!" He finally came into the kitchen, on his way out the door to go feed up. He stopped at the stove and said, "Give me something so I can dip some of the water out of these potatoes." I was on the edge, "I will not! Those potatoes are just fine!." He wouldn't stop, " No they're not! That pot is almost full of water!"  I wondered if they're is a special statute that protects women who choke their husbands during the holidays, "That's because the pot is also full of potatoes! I cook potatoes all the time without your help and I sure as H*LL didn't ask for it today! Now, go feed the d*amned cows and stop trying to ruin Thanksgiving!" He gave me that "B*tch, why did I ever marry you?" look and trudged out the door.

  Amazingly, right on time, I had Thanksgiving dinner on the table. This consisted of a 23 LB Turkey, sausage dressing, turkey gravy, deviled eggs, creamed potatoes, homemade cranberry sauce (I can't bear to see that can shaped lump jiggling on the table), seven layer salad( not traditional T-day food, but I wanted it), rolls, green bean casserole, and chocolate pie with whipped topping, that I piped on in star shapes. Renni brought sweet potato casserole and black forest cake, and my mother (yes, someone let the cat out of the bag and she was going to be here or bust!) brought pumpkin pies.

  My mother was her usual self and constantly interrupted and talked over everyone. She was ranting to Hubs about that lady who left her 1 month old in the car last week and it was kidnapped. " Anyone that stupid deserves to get their baby taken! You don't ever leave a child in the car alone!" In silent laughter, my sister nearly choked on her bite of turkey, when I announced, "Well, Mama, you used to leave us kids alone in the car for hours, while you shopped!" Her teeth snapped, as though she had been busted, "Yeah but it was different back then! There were also older kids in the car to watch y'all." She smiled smugly at Hubs, as if she had defeated me. I replied, "No, there were not always older kids in the car and when they were, they were usually beating the crap out of us little kids." She didn't reply and went back to eating. I winked at my sister.

  Hubs barely ate and left the table early to lie on the couch and watch TV. He refused to go pick up Cina at 8:30 P.M. and so Renni and Fiance went to get her. He kept summoning me to the living room for this and that. I finally had to snap and remind him that I had company in the dining room and needed to be with them. It just pisses me off so bad as he would never act that way in front of his family and would positively die if I did.

  I was so full from smelling food all day that I barely ate at dinner. Later, I had a roll with gravy and some turkey. I passed out from exhaustion around midnight. Now, it is a new day and the sun is shining. I sit here typing proudly, having survived Thanksgiving 2009!

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