*MY HAREM!* Look At All These Beautiful Faces! Follow Me! And Try To Keep Up, For Pete's Sake!!


Why I Even Try Is A Mystery To Me...

Some of you might recall my having so much trouble with Selly a few months ago, when she was still just 11. For those that don't, here's a recap...

One day, way back when, Selly came home with a pink slip to report to ISS (In School Suspension), for passing notes with vulgar language. She totally denied having written any of the bad words, even going so far as swearing to God that she hadn't done anything wrong. Being the b*tch of a stepmother that I am, I called the school the next day and and talked to the principle and asked that he copy Selly's portion of the note and send it home to me. As I had suspected, Selly had really been writing curse words and talking harshly about another student.

So, I declared it to be a "Police State" around here, moved her in with Tallen, and performed a week long search of her room. Upon searching Selly's room, I found positively TONS of filthy notes and letters. I even caught her leaving the house one morning, taking yet another note to school. There was also a journal found where she had written about me, calling me every name imaginable and telling about how she was going to kill me. I surprised her with this find and had her read aloud to the family, after dinner one night. Every time that I thought she had regained her senses and understood that I am not going to deal with any of her crap and that she might get away with anything for a little while but she would get away with nothing for very long, before I found out, she would push the limits again.

Her father was no real help. Even when I found a letter she had written, discussing sneaking off to an 8th grade football players house afterschool and having sex with him, Hubs just foofooed everything away. I don't think she really went through with what she had written but that isn't the real point. The point is that the wheels were turning in her mind about such a thing. I had let her have a MySpace, only to discover one day that she had changed her name to "What-tha-fux-up?", and had posted pics of herself in her PJs, with caption asking if folks thought she was sexy. I immediately deleted the account. Then I discovered, during my raid, that she had taken provocative pictures of herself, with the very camera I got her for Christmas last year. She had placed temp tattoos on her body in shameful places and snapped photos of herself showing these "parts" while making a sexy face. She took this camera to school! So, I took the camera and have not given it back yet.

Anywho, Selly had calmed down. Or so I thought. I found out last week that, when she was supposed to write a report for school, all she actually done was copy and paste another report from the Internet and turn it in as her own work. Thanks to auto-complete on the browser address bar, I discovered that she had been visiting the MySpace page of an older boy. She flat lied when I asked her, until I showed her proof and she couldn't deny it, then she claimed she had misunderstood my original question. Witch is total BS, as the question was "Selly, have you been going to MySpace?" and her answer was a pale face, crapping her pants because she had been caught, "No. I SWEAR I haven't!"

Now, for the latest... Three whole MONTHS ago, Selly was told about an upcoming Science project that she would need to complete. Three weeks ago, Selly was told by her Science teacher that it was time to begin the project. At that time, I purchased her the poster board that she said she needed and also gave her the cash to purchase one of those special display boards from school. All told, she has had every single day after school and three complete weekends, plus the extra days for Thanksgiving, to complete her project. Mind you, she has used my computer on repeated occasions during the last three weeks to "work on her project". I even gave her coffee filters and potting soil, as the project one on erosion. She had step-by-step instructions from the teacher and all she needed to do was complete the experiment and record her findings in a report and display details of it on the boards for a presentation.

Fast forward to Sunday evening, when Selly asked if she could use my computer, to finish up her project. Of course I said yes. After she had been at it for a couple of hours, Cina asked me if I realized that Selly had never completed the experiment and was, at that very moment, making charts in Excel which displayed made up results. I waited another hour for Selly to come into the living room and then I asked her straight up, "Selly, did you complete your project?"

Selly- Obviously considering lying, but deciding against it as my expression told that I was on to her, "No.".

Me- "Oh? Then how is it possible that you have just spent 3 hours creating flow charts and typing a report, for an experiment that never took place.

Selly- Shrugs

Me-"That's not going to cut it. How are you possibly reporting results for an experiment that never happened?

Selly- Almost whispering, "I made them up."

Me-"Don't you realize that is cheating?"

Selly- "Yes"

Me- "Yet, you still planned on turning it in and accepting a grade for a big fat lie?"

Selly- "Yes."

Me- "Even though other students actually did the work, while you were watching TV, sleeping in, going shopping, and basically just farted around for the past three weeks? How is that fair?"

Selly- Shrugs

Me- "Well, I have news for you. You are not turning in that work. I'll see you take a zero, before I'll have you accept a grade on a lie. I'm not going to be aware that you've cheated and stand by and let it happen."

Selly- Turns on the crocodile tears

Hubs- "Well, she already has it finished, just let her turn it in."

Selly- Stops the tears instantly, as she thinks she getting away with it.

Me- Wanting to spin Hub's head around, "H*ll no! If she leaves here with that work tomorrow, I will call her teacher myself!"

Selly- Restarts the water works because she knows I am not kidding.

Hubs- "What the hell would you do that for?"

Me- "Because she needs to know that being slack and cheating to make up for it, isn't going to fly in this house. I told her that last week, when i discovered that she had copied and pasted someone elses work and turned it in as her own."

Hubs- "Well, just make her do the experiment right now."

Me- Knowing that it is already after 11:00 P.M. "Selly, how long does the experiment take?

Selly- With the look of a total freaking liar on her face, "Uh, I, Uh, Well."

Me- "Holy crap child! How long does it take?!"

Selly- "I dunno, an hour, I guess..."

Cina- Having heard this whopper from the other end of the house, shouts, "Selly, you're lying! That experiment is on erosion and you're supposed to record the results over a 24 hour period!

Me- You just freaking lied to me?

Selly- "Yes."

Me-"Well, that settles it, you don't have time to do it. Go get ready for bed."

Hubs- "Fine. She'll stay home from school tomorrow and do it tomorrow."

Me- "Are you serious?! No she won't! She had plenty of time to complete this and chose to do other things. The other kids aren't getting an extra day and neither is she!"

Hubs- "You just need to mind your own damned business!"

Me-"It's my business to cook for her, do her laundry, look over her while you are gone hunting 6 nights a week, to take care of her when she is sick, and to drive her to and from the bus! How is she not my business now? You need to snap your damned head back on straight and realize the kind of harm you are doing by letting her away with this! If you keep her home tomorrow, when I write her excuse for school, I swear I will tell the exact reason why she stayed home!"

Selly- Snub Snub Snub "Can I go take a shower?

30 minutes later, she trudges through the house with a towel on her head and goes to the living room to hug her dad goodnight. This is something she rarely does. She was completely tearless as she walked through the kitchen and by the time she reached him, she had her pitiful, tears welling up in her eyes, face on.
"Goodnight, Daddy."Snub Snub Snub

Hubs- "Whats the matter Hon?

Selly- Snub Snub Snub Sigh

Hubs- Thinking he was talking low enough that I couldn't hear from the other room."Are you upset that Mama wouldn't let you do your work?"

Selly- I catch her nodding as I turn the corner. She knew better than to let me hear her say "yes".

Me- Fed up completely. "Listen, you idiot, Mama did not keep Selly from doing her work! Selly, chose to goof off for three whole weeks and then cheat at the last minute, taking the lazy way out! Frankly, she deserves what she gets! She should be crying out of pure shame! But sadly, she is just heartbroken because Mama caught her cheating and put a stop to it!

Frankly, I am sick to death of both of them and their BS!

P.S. She did NOT stay home from school!


  1. Coming over from SITS and WOW! Girl, you've got your hands full.

    Unfortunately, you are doing all the right things - but the crux of the problem is that it sounds like hubby isn't backing you up. Have you gone to her school, teachers or guidance counselor? I know in the past they have proven to be invaluable resources for me!

    Hang in there - you are doing the right thing!

  2. Hi, visiting from SITS.You must be completely stressed out. As someone looking at things from the outside (and also as a former social worker)it sounds like this child is screaming for attention and doesn't know the right way to get it. You may not like this advice from a stranger, but it sounds like this child needs compassion and needs to know that you love her and want the best for her.

    Does she have an area where she is talented? Could you help her build up her self-esteem by participating in an area that she could excel?

    Hang in there.

  3. Thanks,T! I agree that Hubs not backing me up is the largest contributer to her thinking she can get by with things. That is a chronic happening around here. She even once told another relative that, even when she knew that she deserved to be in trouble, that she likes it when her father and I fight about it.

  4. Being a step parent is the worst. You aren't the mom and you aren't the friend. And, she lives with you and your husband doesn't support you. You are better than me, because I would have washed my hands of it a long time ago and let my husband deal with it!

  5. Thanks, Karen! Trust me, she gets plenty of attention! I do special things with her like teaching her how to cook, grow a garden, and crochet. It is all to no avail. She lacks for nothing and gets to go to school functions, has taken 2 trips to DC, and has clothes that are in style.

    It is not a case of screaming for attention and not knowing how to get it. It is a case of her having delusions of entitlement. She feels entitled to get money handed to her for no reason, when the other kids are expected to help out around the house. She can leave her dirty clothes in the bathroom floor and leave her bed unmade, even though that is against the rules. She can take whatever she likes, from whomever she pleases, without ever asking.

    Just this past Saturday, my oldest daughter gave Selly and Cina $50.00 each and took them shopping. She told them each to put their money in their pockets right away, while they were in the car. Selly didn't listen and just left her's laying on her lap. After they had went in a place to eat breakfast, she realized her money was missing. They never found it. My daughter and her fiance then took another $50.00 from their bill money and gave it to her. She didn't argue about taking the money and never said she was sorry for losing the other. She just kept insisting that it wasn't her fault.

    Frankly, she is just spoiled. Hubs holds every child in this house to a higher standard then her, even our son with special needs. I don't treat her any different, good or bad, than the rest of the kids. They all have rules. Only, Selly can break them and stand back and smile as I get screamed at for correcting her.

  6. Thanks, Lee! I have considered that but he is very hands-off unless he wants to stick his nose in where it isn't even needed. If I washed my hands of her, she would have nobody at all to guide her. Plus, I can't let her act like a jerk, waiting for her dad to stop her, while the other kids are expected to behave.

    Really, she doesn't have a bad life at all, other than the fact that her parents got divorced. To which I say, "Big Whoop!". Cina's dad and I are divorced, she doesn't take that as a green light to be a liar and a cheat. Heck, my dad died when I was 7 and my Mama was the town whore and I didn't use that as an excuse to be a slacker.

  7. Hello fellow SITSta! I need your help!

    Could you vote for me in Iron Cupcake?

    (I am campaigning for votes….because I put a lot of time and effort into this)

    If there is anything I can do for you in the future don’t hesitate to ask!

    Here is the link: http://mamanandgourmand.blogspot.com/2009/11/please-vote-for-me-iron-cupcake.html

    Holy shit...(I'm a step mom of 3 teenage boys) I could never imagine having to deal without the support of my husband when it comes to his boys...I am so sorry you have to go through this!

  8. That's right!

    I have to say, I'm pissed at your husband!!!
    Even if he doesn't agree with you, he shouldn't be questioning your authority in front of Shelly!

    You did a fantastic job and Shelly's life is going to be better for it.



I love comments!