Please forgive my recent plunge off the deep end. If I may explain...
It is no secret that I have had a shit life. I have been through things that, to write about them would be impossible, and even thinking about them literally makes me physically ill. However, I have always coped fairly well, by just concentrating on other things and trying to keep a funny outlook on life. I am on no form of drugs to help me cope, like several of my friends. By drugs, I mean things like nerve medication. Over the years, I have tried these medications and have ended up in much worse shape.
But, I do have several physical ailments that I have to take meds for. Mainly, chronic pain. For this, I take Tramadol daily and Soma at bedtime. I have thyroid tumors, a tumor in my inner ear, and a while back, I tested positive for Lyme disease.
Last week, it was time to visit my "doctor", for a checkup and to have all my prescriptions renewed. As my bone pain has not improved, she suggested again that I may have bone cancer (this woman loves to scare the poopoo out of me, I think) and has set me appointments with some specialist. She also, as going through my past blood tests, commented on the fact that I tested positive for Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, well over a year ago. WTF!? How could they just overlook telling me about something that serious? At any rate, this is the best doctor that I can afford and similar things like this happen there a lot.
Anywho, knowing that Ross had an appointment this week, that is a 3 hour drive away, and that we would be traveling I-40, which is positively packed with tractor-trailers, I asked her if there was something she could give me to calm my nerves for the road trip. She knows that I have had an up close and personal view of the underside of one of those big rigs, when one drove over top of our car some years ago. So, she didn't hesitate to write me a script for Klonopin. I was told to go ahead and start taking the pills each day and to continue for the rest of the month, as we have to make the same trip at the end of November. So, I did.
I do not exaggerate, when I tell you that those pills made me completely bat shit crazy. By day two, I was awake before daylight, crying my eyes out, like my best friend had died, and it just got worse from there. Every single bad thing that has ever happened in my life, showed up front and center in my brain. I became so afraid, maybe even terrified. I felt doomed. Even worse, I felt like anyone that came near me or had anything to do with me was doomed as well. Cursed, is probably a good word for how I felt. The ending result was that I didn't even make the trip with Hubs and Ross. I begged someone else to go along, because I was certain that, if I was inside that vehicle, it would certainly crash and we would all die.
Maybe I just had a bad reaction. But I stopped taking those pills and never, EVER, want another one in this lifetime. I am happy to say that I feel much better today.
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